Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
