I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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