theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
