South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
