i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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