she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
