Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Fuck appropriateness.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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