erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
