You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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