Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
