Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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