I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
