Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
