smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
