U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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