I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
