If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
