Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
