Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
