I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
