Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
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Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
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My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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