I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
