i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
