Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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