Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
