I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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