New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
