and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
