the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
