we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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