omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
