it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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