So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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