The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is it because I queefed?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
