Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
