nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
