I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
