I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
