u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
