Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
