I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
