can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
