literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
