My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
