Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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