It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
