Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
