ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
