My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
