Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
