I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
