When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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