I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
