I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize