This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
