Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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