Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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