I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
