thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
