Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My vagina is officially offended.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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