what day is it and did you see me today?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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