So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
