It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
