No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
