This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
