i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
