Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
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At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
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Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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