what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
soo... how was my night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
