You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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