I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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