I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
