Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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