So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
