I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize