its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
