yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
