jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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