I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
