you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
