Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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