a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
