I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
