based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
