Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
