you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
